Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
I wish I could say “yes”!
A year ago, in December 2021, I was feeling excited af about the new year, while working with several clients on UpWork, planning my brother’s birthday (due in a week), and arranging documents for applying to universities abroad!
And now, a year later, I am significantly more miserable.
Huh! To think I imagined a fabulous life of triumphing every day, balancing work and study like a pro, making the best financial plans to save hundreds of dollars per month – right after coming here!
I’m sure if I could see my past self right now – from 3-4 months ago OR a year ago – I would LAUGH, HYSTERICALLY.
I have never felt more insecure, broken and hopeless in my life.
My first part-time job here fired me after 2 weeks (with less than 24 hours’ notice), then it took me a month to find a new part-time job (whose paycheck heavily deducts union fees), then I left my 2nd part-time job for a new full-time job, only to be informed that they will NOT take new people until mid-January. If they just told me about this delay during the interview or the initial phases, I would not have left that 2nd job and have some extra income on my hand.
Now I am having to live on just rice and eggs every day, till the 2nd week of January… and I am only eating one meal a day to make the groceries last as long as possible.
My rent is due on the 15th of every month. So with an income of less than $100 each week, I am having to pay rent TWO months in a row being broke!
Literally everyone around me is enjoying the holiday season – buying things, attending events, going out of town. And I am here just worrying about how I will survive the next few weeks WITHOUT losing my mind.
Of course, several people have assured me that this is just a test of life, a test by God, He is testing me to give me amazing rewards later…
Really? REALLY??!!
What I feel is, we humans try to justify hard times by saying such philosophical bullshit. When in reality, what’s happening is just LIFE! Life threw a freaking curveball at you, now deal with it! Nobody cares how, just deal with it and survive. That’s the attitude I feel from life, while dealing with such incredibly tough times. Nothing else really helps in such situations, at least not to me.
Honestly, what I hate most are lies – no matter white or otherwise. I feel the most at peace when I’m neither the subject of someone else’s bullshit, nor am I having to bullshit someone myself. I feel, keeping things straight makes the struggle a bit easier to deal with.
So, that’s the approach I am taking for now.
Fuck luck, fuck people, fuck philosophical bullshit. I’ll just try to survive, one day at a time, and see where it goes. The End.
The Free Magpie 